a saturday

sorry i didnt post for quite a long time. school has been hectic lately. semester 4 is very disastrous. i mean it. i got homework every week, and it must be submitted. yeah homework, usually we just have tutorial question and come for the tutorial. now we have to submit it. and i haven't done with my ureca poster which deadline will be this coming wednesday. and i just came back from indonesia for chinese new year, which made me slacking for a while back in indonesia, no mood to do anything except having fun and enjoying my time.

so here i am, in saturday afternoon, wondering about things, thinking about my existence. yeah right, my existence. i may sound a bit too melancholic, lately i have been too melancholic with all things that happen to me. since last week, i felt that i didn't have any motivations for studying. i clearly realized that i must study so i can graduate on time, get a job, be successful, etc etc. i thought about what i have achieved until now. i have great academic life. top 10 in elementary school, first rank for final exam in junior high, and became first rank in my senior high science batch though only for 1 sem lol. also now i carry that 'dean's list' title. (fyi: dean's list are those top 5% in their batch). but a question came to my mind, what can i do with all that stuff? will it be a benefit for me? is it a guaranty? i doubt it.

i am in the midst of my laziness. skipped class even in the first day of school, ran away from my ureca supervisor because i didnt do anything on holiday and was so lazy to make a progress. and i also skipped 1 day after chinese new year holiday. i dont feel as diligent as before. i drew on lectures instead of listening to the prof. i designed clothes when the prof was teaching. i dont have that spirit that i have before. is it wrong? one side of me once asking about that achievement that i already get. how if i lose it? will it be bad? what should i say to my parents? my pride won't allow such thing to happen. but the other side of me doesn't care anymore about all this thing. sometimes even thinking about going back to indo lol, when everything is easier and more comfortable.

but i can't go back. what i can do is do the best in here. this is the consequence (and i'm referring back to the first 'so-called-speech' that my high school's math teacher gave my class on our first day in class after orientation). yeah so just let it flow, and find other things to do to make my uni life better.